


One Last Time

by avengerswitch (izmsillva)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cussing, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Tony Stark is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izmsillva/pseuds/avengerswitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: “I burned so quiet, for so long that you couldn’t help but wonder If I loved you back, and I did, I did, I do… “</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is happening, I had this idea for a long time and to celebrate my 800 follower mark on tumblr (@avengerswitch) and now I’m posting it, keep in mind that I’m not very experienced with writing and that english is not my first language (so any mistakes you see, pls tell me). I hope you enjoy it.

As Bucky storms down the hall, a cloud of anger and sadness surrounding him, Natasha, Sam and you get up from the chairs you were sitting on, the ones placed just outside the hospital room. You look at each other tired and hopeless.

The fact is: none of you really know how to handle the situation at hand; How could any of you blame Bucky for acting like that? 

“I’ll look after him; make sure he doesn’t go too far.” - Sam says, but what he actually means is something like: ‘Make sure he doesn’t flip out and run away.’ 

“I’ll go with you.” says Natasha.

You wait for Sam to protest, even since the Accords, his and Nat’s relationship wasn’t the best, but he stays quiet and looks down to the floor, it seems to you, that he was so done with everything that more arguing and bitterness towards each other wouldn’t solve anything. He is right, you thought.

"Stay with him, - he makes a gesture with his head towards the room - we won’t be gone for long.”

When he starts to leave, Natasha looks at you and hesitates, not sure how to put into the right words what she wants you to know, a rare moment for someone who always knows what to say and when to say it.

“I thought… I thought you would want a moment with him…alone.” 

You nod and put your hands in the pockets of your jeans, then wait for them to turn down the hall and finally be out of your sight.

This is insane, it’s like either of them, Sam and Natasha couldn’t even say his name out loud, like he was already gone and they were already mourning. You understood Bucky’s anger, you just felt way too empty to be actually able to feel it.

You turned to face the door, your hand on the doorknob, still hesitant.

Truth is: you don’t want a moment. 

No, wait.

You do.

But a moment on which the two of you could talk and figure things out, not one where one of you is laying down on a bed, wearing an oxygen mask and in a state of coma, with absolutely no idea if the other one would ever wake up. 

“Shit,” you think, “guess it’s time to face it, face him, after all.”

You didn’t want to, but there was nothing else to do.

“Oh Steve…” – you let a sigh of despair under your breath.

He was bruised, machines connected to him all over his surroundings, those were keeping him alive. There was a chair right beside him, the one where Bucky had been camping for days, where you now sat, it was so fucked up, that every time Bucky and Steve were back together, the world managed to find a way to tear them apart.

You started to analyze his face, his well defined jaw, and his lips… You kept waiting for his beautiful blue eyes to open, or to perhaps see a flash of his perfect smile, but there was nothing, no reaction what so ever.

A steady breathing, you noticed, at least that.

You didn’t even realize you were holding his hand, and focused on trying to keep your voice as normal as possible when you spoke to him (which was useless because 1) there was no one here awake to hear you and 2) there was no way you’d be able to do it after the amount of crying you had done on the past couple of days). Your voice came out as a whisper, and for once, you tried to hold yourself together. But you were so tired.

“Hey Stevie, - you started, your voice cracking a little bit – It’s me Y/N…”

“I’m worried; actually, we are all worried. I have to say Bucky hasn’t been handling this very well, he needs you. The team needs you – you took a deep breath – I need you.

There was so much between you and Steve; things you wish you said, feeling you wish you had the courage to express before.

You two even kissed once, at Clint’s family house before the battle against Ultron. When Wanda Maximoff had messed with your minds, both of you needed reassurance and it just sort of happened.

The memory played back in your head like a movie: his soft lips against yours, your hands tangled in his hair, his strong arms around you holding your bodies close.

It happened; it was real; and you two never talked about it.

It’s not that you were afraid of him not responding to your feelings in the same way, you were afraid of it all because you knew he did. The emotions you shared in that kiss, of sorrow, and fear and above all: love, those were way too good for you, addictive even, you weren’t worthy of them.

You were taken by your fear of what the universe would do to those, because life had a way of destroying the best things you had, especially the ones you cared about.

“We got ourselves into a really big mess, haven’t we?” – You let out humorless laugh.

“Remember that day at Clint’s house? Those were shitty days but I’d do anything to go back, change the course of things, maybe… well nothing, this is stupid, what am I even saying? None of us can go back, right? Cause if there was one way to do it, I’d be the first one to go and try to fix things before everything went wrong: Ultron, the Accords, Thanos…- you pause, finding hard to understand where you were going with this in the first place. – “Actually, I just want you to be okay. I need you to be okay.”

Tears were now forming on your eyes and you knew it would be hard to hold them for much longer.

“Like that day you were teaching me how to spar, remember? And you said I had to save some strength until the end so that I could give the final strike… please, please, please use some of that strength that I know you still have right now. Use all of it to heal, to come back to us. To Buck, Nat, Sam, Wanda, Clint, oh god, even Tony, He’s been blaming himself so much even though he had nothing to do with it. I can barely look at him; I guess it’s because he only reflects how I feel. I should’ve known better, fought harder, but I failed you… and I’m so, so sorry, Steve.” 

It came to a point where you couldn’t hold in a sob, followed by another and then you were weeping and shedding tears you didn’t know you still had, thinking you surpassed your limit of them days ago.

All whilst Steve didn’t even flinch.

You didn’t even realize you were whispering repeatedly: “Come back to me, come back to me, come back to me…”

When you managed to calm yourself down, you looked up to his bruised yet handsome face, brought a hand to his cheek, caressing it with your thumbs lightly, your trembling hands trying to memorize his features.

A sad smile formed on your face.

“You have to tell him…” – you thought – “At least once; you have to say it out loud.”

“Steve, I burned so quiet for so long and you couldn’t help but wonder If I loved you back; and I did, I did… I do.”

With that you finally managed to get up from the chair, biting your bottom lip, tears falling down again. Turning your back to him, heading to the door.

On a perfect world, it would be in that moment that he would wake up, call you back with a soft: “Hey Doll,” like he usually did. But this wasn’t a perfect world, so he kept in silence, the only noise the room now was the beeping of the machines.

Your sadness followed you like a trail as you walked out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, what did you think? Comments and advice are always helpful.


End file.
